Black Man Wears Red "Black Lives Matter" Hat, Gets Stabbed By Everyone

In an effort to reclaim red hats and divorce them from their association with the “Make America Great Again” slogan, local black man Jamaal Cleese, 25, decided to wear a red “Black Lives Matter” hat. The only problem? Everyone had knives.

“At first I was like ‘Finally, a kindred spirit who isn’t another white guy!’ says Chandler Bulkridge, 33, an Upper East Side resident remarked, “But then when he got closer I realized what the hat said and then anger and rage over took me… I mean ALL lives matter, right?! So I stabbed him!”

But Cleese had expected this outcome. But not what happened next.

“I thought he was some sort of Ben Carson ass nigga,” Jazmine Rich, 29, a Brooklyn native, reported. “That was before he turned around and I saw what the front of the hat said. It was just confusing though. I was mad, then happy, then just wondered ‘But why? Is all that even necessary? So, yeah, I stabbed the mother fucker.”

In the end, Jamaal Cleese thought he could fight white supremacy with artistic expression. But it turns out neither side was ready for the emotions sparked by a red Black Lives Matter hat. What they were ready for? Stickin' him on sight.

“I voted for Gary Johnson and still did not hesitate to cut the bitch,” says Drew McGrath, 32. 

Jamaal Cleese is now asking for donations at his GoFundMe page. You can find the link here.