Black Man Figures He Can Put Off Getting Haircut For Another Couple Of Years Before Coworkers Noticed
Catching a glimpse of his scruffy beard reflected off the screen of his desktop computer, black man Jalen Esperance figured he could probably put off getting a haircut for at least another couple of years before any of his coworkers took notice.
“I mean, you can’t really notice my fade anymore and my sideburns are looking kind of crazy, but I think I can make it another two, maybe three years before anyone at the office mentioned it,” said the 31-year-old project manager. “This is like Swarthmore College all over again—either they don’t have other black men in their lives who can act as reference point or they just have no concept for how we style our hair. Fuck, it’s probably both.”
“A few months back, I ran into Fred in the break room and he mentioned getting his haircut over the weekend. I tried to level with him and mentioned that I wanted to get a shape-up soon, but he just stared at me blankly. Then he said my hair always looks ‘fresh.’ That’s when I knew I held all the cards.”
Esperance did mention getting in trouble with his mother once for not cutting his hair. “She verbally eviscerated me that time, so yeah I’m not making that mistake again. I have a family function in six months, so I made an appointment at the mall where I’m picking up our airbrushed T-shirts.”
Esperance later commiserated with Lashae Duroncelet, the only other black person in his department, who told him that she expects it’ll be at least another few hours before a coworker asked if they can touch her hair.