Bathroom Trash Can Can't Handle Much More After Empty Shampoo Bottle Thrown Away
PLANO, TX—Local bathroom trash can is not equipped to handle much more after an empty bottle of Selsun Blue has been thrown away in a shared apartment this Tuesday.
The trash receptacle—previously holding a mix of tissues, floss, and small wrappers—was at first glance seemingly capable of providing space for additional refuse. However, when the time came to dispose of the 25.4 fluid ounce container, the can went from nearly empty to overflowing.
“I could’ve thrown it away in another, larger trash can you’d find anywhere else around the apartment, sure. But it’s a bathroom trash can. And that trash was created in the bathroom,” said Josh Miller, standing a mere five feet away from a much larger, nearly empty trash can. “My philosophy has always been: if it was created there it should stay there. At least in terms of trash around the house. It’s not my foreign policy or anything... I’m a nice guy.”
Miller’s roommates made do with the small space left in the can but were struck by Miller’s daft gesture. The group collectively resorted to constructing the trash into a precarious tower, attempting to compact the contents by stomping on them and bravely picking through the trash to see what could be flushed down the toilet to make room.
“This motherfucker,” said Khalil Jefferson under his breath while looking at the trash tower that’s grown for three days since the bottle was tossed. “This motherfucker right here.”
“There are many parts to this whole situation that are equally terrible,” said James Cunningham, leaning on a 32-gallon trash can. “But the part that I think is getting overlooked is the fact that Josh doesn’t care if guests know about his dandruff issue. And if guests don’t know any better, it’s also making me look like I could potentially have a dandruff issue – which I don’t.”
“Oh for real?” said Jefferson, looking at the trash tower that’s grown for four days since the bottle was tossed. “For real? Oh okay. Okay, okay. Yeah. Alright. Alright then. Right. Right.”
“When you look at it from the angle I was talking about earlier, you can come to some pretty startling conclusions as to why my date left after using our bathroom last weekend,” said Cunningham holding up an empty trash bag and using it to map out his story like a playbook. “And it’s not all the trash in there. Nope. It’s the type of trash in there. It was the Selsun Blue. It’s not because I forgot to straighten up before she came over. It was the Selsun Blue. It’s not because I tell all my stories by plotting them out on this trash bag I carry around all the time and her friends don’t like me because of it so there’s no way I’d farewell with her parents meeting me over the upcoming holidays. It must be the Selsun Blue.”
“Wow,” said Khalil Jefferson, looking at the trash tower that’s grown for five days since the bottle was tossed. “Wow. Huh! Okay, yeah. Wow. That’s just...wow.”
