An Open Letter To My Frat: Please Let More Black People In, I'm Very Tired
Dear fellow brothers of Beta Sigma Chi,
I am writing this open letter to make one simple request: please let more black people in. I’m so, so tired. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of fun with you white guys. I love playing hoops, watching football, and drinking beer - but don’t you think we could do all those things with more black people?
It is hard having to go to every Dean’s hearing, to every fundraiser, to every publicity event, to every rush event, and to every mixer just to prove that you have a black person. I’d really love to split this workload with another brother. Ya know what I mean?
Also, like, y’all do a lot of really white shit. For instance, who actually likes the Phoenix Suns? And who asks to re-do high fives? Who still watches The Middle? I would really like to have another person around the house to makes sure I’m not going crazy - y’all can’t be for real, right?
Not to give away the secrets of pledging, but there was that one night with those alumni and the white bed sheets? That felt sus. Just gimme another black guy and I can pretend I never saw anything. I’m only asking for one! You can call us both tokens if you really want. I just need another one of us. Please. I haven’t seen my girlfriend in months.
Brother Tevin Johnson
(P.S. My girlfriend’s the only black girl in her sorority, Phi Alpha Goop.)