5 Sexy And Subtle Ways To Get Your Crush To Apologize For Being White
God doesn’t give with two hands — sometimes, white people are hot. We can try to avoid that sweet white heat all we want, but frankly Chris Pine is a treat.
Here are six sexy and subtle ways to get your white crush to apologize for being an oppressor to rev up your guilt-free, romantic no-pants party.
The next time they are holding strong eye contact with you and your good stuff, whisper in their ear, “You check out an interracial dating advice Reddit thread, then you can keep checking out my down-there thread.”
Slip them a handwritten letter featuring a fresh lipstick kiss and a scrawled, “Roses are red. Violets are blue. You are white and that affects your access to resources and everyday privileges. Mwah!”
Trip on nothing in front of them — they will catch you. In their safe embrace coyly whisper, “Oops, I didn’t see the residual effects of institutional racism there for a second.” Bat your eyes while an apology is conjured.
Booty-call that crush, “You up…white now?”
If your crush is a romantic, pull out the classic boombox declaration of love move. Hold that Casio overhead outside their place and blast “Swag Surfin’” so loud your eardrums collapse. Throw a power-to-the-people fist into the air.