23andMe Results Are In: Rachel Is 100% Becky

23andMe Results Are In: Rachel Is 100% Becky

Well, the results are in from your white co-worker Rachel’s 23andMe results, and someone call Captain Obvious because it turns out to the surprise of absolutely no one, Rachel is 100% Becky.

Rachel, a literal tub of mayonnaise, is the only person shook by these results. “No shit,” said Lisa Johnson, the plucky older woman in HR. “Bitch, you had 16 white bridesmaids at your ‘rustic’ themed wedding. That’s only some Becky ass shit,” No one knows how Lisa has been in HR here for 22 years, but damn: respect.

As lunch rolled around, Rachel, an unseasoned boiled chicken breast, was still running her mouth about her Becknicity. She was overheard boasting to your boss about the intricacies of Beckys, saying “did you know we’re all known to own at least one pair of L.L. Bean duck boots, and have dressed up as Taylor Swift for Halloween two or more times?” Your other co-worker, Bethany Driggs, remarked, “I’ve seen her make out with her dog. Did she really think she was anything other than full Becky?”

Finally, as 5:00 pm rolled around and you thought you were done with Babe.net subscriber Rachel’s Chobani bullshit, she cornered you right as you were leaving the office. With a wild look in her unsettlingly blue eyes, she whispered to you, “do you think I might be related to Iggy Azalea?” SMH. Other Beckys, come get your girl.

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