Undercover POC: I'm So White-Passing, I Just Kneed A Toddler In The Face And Got High-Fived By Her Dad

Undercover POC: I'm So White-Passing, I Just Kneed A Toddler In The Face And Got High-Fived By Her Dad

As one of Flexx’s whitest-passing writers, I have been dispatched by Flexx’s editorial illuminati to go deep undercover, embedding myself as deeply into white society as I possibly can. My mission? To see what white people do when they don’t realize a loud, card-carrying minority is in their midst—hiding in plain sight.

When I first received word from Flexx’s editors that I had been chosen for this mission, I panicked. Could I cease to be my normal self? Could I stop glaring at white parents in Crown Heights, making every convo about the “mixed race struggle”, and wearing clothes that made my racial background and political views highly evident? After being assured by editors that identifying as white meant I could finally wear my RealTree deer camo jacket unironically, I agreed to do it.

Energized by the confidence that comes with identifying as white, I swiped into a Manhattan subway station and put my white-passing training to the test. As I climbed the stairs to the track, I drove my knee directly into the face of a small blonde girl, no older than three or four years old.

Under ordinary circumstances, I would have fled the scene immediately. But clad in Club Monaco chinos, J. Crew Special Edition Nikes, and my RealTree deer camo jacket, the young girl didn’t cry — she giggled. And her white-as-hell father didn’t just forgive me...he loved me. He embraced me. He let loose a roaring chuckle and lifted his hands up for a cool high 10, shouting “Amen brother!” as our hands made contact. I think I made a friend for life.

I later boarded a subway car and accidentally stomped on a white girl’s pearly white sneakers. But she didn’t get mad either. She grinned and asked me for my number. What is this strange world?

More to come as I continue my mission.

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