NASA: Launch Cancellation Has Nothing To Do With Bigger, Older Kids Hanging Out In Front Of Rocket

HOUSTON, TX—In a press conference today, NASA officials re-explained their decision to delay the launch attempot of Artemis 1 , quickly noting that the cancellation had nothing to do with a group of bigger, older kids hanging out in front of the rocket.

“We just don’t really feel like going into space anymore.” said NASA Administrator Bill Nelson in a forced display of indifference, continuously glancing through the window shades to a group of five teenagers smoking in front of the $2.5 Billion rocket. “We basically know everything about space anyway, so we’ll probably just hang out in the Control Room for a while. I just don't feel like going.”

The cancellation comes as a surprise to the scientific community, who were hoping the lanch would help them understand deep space and eventually contribute to landing humans on Mars. In an attempt to further explain the program’s demise, Nelson took to Twitter.

“We were going to launch the SLS Rocket this morning, but my knee has been hurting really bad all day so I didn’t think it was good idea. I wasn’t going to say anything about my knee because it wasn’t that sore, but now it's hurting really bad so I can’t go to Space. So pissed right now. Because of my knee.”

Further confusion resulted hours later when the teenagers moved away from the Launch Deck, causing NASA to hastily re-announce the launch. However, once the rocket was back in its moorings, the teenagers returned, and NASA quickly cancelled the tests once more and hid in the AV room.

Harding once again took to Twitter to offer some insight into the blunder.

“Did anyone else hear that there was a paper bag full of cigarettes behind the bowling alley?"—an apparent attempt to draw the teenagers away from the Launch Deck.

The cancellation is the latest in a series of delays NASA has faced this year. In January, major launch testing was cancelled after Nelson accidentally called a Lead Control Programmer ‘Mom’ and was too embarrassed to work the following day. Further delays came in May when Nelson became convinced there was a big, scary dog that lived in the Earth's Stratosphere.

NASA has said that it hopes to reopen the program later this year, but only if Nelson’s older brother, who has a motorbike, comes with them.