Following Success Of Crazy Rich Asians, Hollywood Eyes All-White Remake

Crazy Rich Asians was released earlier this month to a stellar box office opening and rave reviews. The popularity of the film, the first since 1993’s Joy Luck Club to feature an all-Asian and Asian American cast, has already spawned talks of a sequel — and even more excitedly, an all-white remake.

Sony Pictures is at the forefront of the bidding war for the all-white remake: “We’d love to bring the success of the international hit Crazy Rich Asians to white American audiences. We’re already in talks with Bradley Cooper to play the Singaporean Nick Young, and are eyeing Saoirse Ronan as the American Rachel Chu.”

“Um, this is an American film,” said California-born director Jon M. Chu upon hearing the news. “I mean, it was produced by Warner Bros. It hasn’t even been released internationally yet?”

Sony Pictures remarked, “The Asian experience is so rich in culture, and underrepresented in Hollywood. That’s why we’ve got to bring it to America, and whitewash the whole thing for easy digesting. Singapore is now Hartford, CT, we’re translating the entire thing from Asian to English, and instead of mahjong they’re going to be playing Cards Against Humanity. Also, no hot Asian men, only hot whites.”

“We think it’s only fair, as Asia has done reboots of our classic films in the past. Take Spike Lee’s Oldboy for example, or Godzilla! I heard they even have an Asian version of The Ring.”

Scarlett Johansson fled from Flexx reporters when reached for comment.