5 Healing Crystals To Wear At Work To Ward Off Your Boss From Asking You To Do Your Job
Gemstones have been around for about eight kabillion years. The field of science remains unclear on whether or not they have true healing properties, with most experts leaning towards thinking any positive benefit is due to “the placebo effect,” but don’t let the negative energy of hatin’-ass scientists stop you. Here are five healing crystals you can wear at work to discourage your boss from asking you to do your job.
Amethyst: Imposter Syndrome, anyone? If you ever feel nervous about the fact that you don’t know how to do your job and you only got this position because you’re white and not too ugly? Fear not, for amethyst will be your guide. Let it sit in your clammy hands as your boss rambles about all the tasks you fully agreed to do but now don’t feel like doing. Notice the Zen-like state you are suddenly in, fully ready to tackle a data entry task none of the guys wanted to do (ok, maybe you’re just dissociating, but no one notices—you’re good, fam).
Clear Quartz: Did you know stress can take years off your life? Clear Quartz is essentially pegging capitalism with its immunity-boosting powers. Wear it near your heart in hopes that your cardiovascular system will make it another 45 to 50 years of labor. (But don’t wear it every day—you don’t have enough saved for retirement, so you don’t want to live that long. Get real.)
Obsidian: This guy protects against negative energy, like bosses who don’t shut the fuck up. Like wtf, how are we supposed to get anything useful done during work hours when we’re constantly being harassed to do work-related things? Don’t even look at your boss, just close your eyes tight and aim this bad-ass gem right at his seventh chakra, which I'm pretty sure is the dick chakra. If you end up having to meet with HR later, just do the same thing to them, and you’ll be free of the shackles of employment in no time!
Pyrite: Nothing says “Get the fuck out my face” quite like pyrite. Use on chatty coworkers, “morning people,” and anyone who doesn’t drink coffee and loves to remind you of it.
Labradorite: This gemstone will help you discover your true calling, which is definitely not this shit-hole job. Tell your boss to eat a dick, then go forth and manifest your dreams, bestie!
